The Values of Leif and Laura: Our Marriage Covenant

We, Leif and Laura, work to be people of deepest love, living our values and striving to take the actions of love in every situation. We express these values as vows; this action reminds us of who we are, and who we wish to be. These vows both identify us and guide us away from our shortcomings. These values define our partnership.

Love
Love is a powerful and precise way of being in the world. Love encompasses the values we hold and also helps us name God, as we understand God. God is love and love is an active force to participate with and in. Yet love is as fragile as us. To live out a life of love—a life that values love—is no small undertaking. We love one another rigorously, patiently, and kindly.

Friendship
We are friends who have complete care for one another. We share our lives with each other as first and primary friends. Neither of us seek to control our friendship, rather we share in and co-create a relationship that allows us to be ourselves and find ourselves within. We commit ourselves to a deep and integral friendship that seeks mutuality while respecting individuality. We share in one another’s joys, hardships, dreams, and desires.
We also respect each other in all our interactions and our interactions with others. This means to cherish each other even in times of anger, disconnection, and pain; it also means to represent each other accurately and lovingly to others. Moreover, we pursue and invest in other friendships that strengthen and encourage the values we hold.

Authenticity
In light of friendship and love, authenticity means that we have reason to share all that we are: the parts that we, individually, esteem as good and beautiful, but also the parts that we dislike in ourselves. Authenticity means we share our own brokenness and fears, yet it also provides us freedom to accept each other, despite brokenness. Authenticity is requisite for the life of love, which is freedom.

Consciousness
We are thoughtful and intentional about who we are in the world—every moment offers us the opportunity to live out our values. We create our relationship by relentlessly pursuing, retaining and revaluating our values together. This means that we take responsibility for who we are as persons and who we are as partners.

Patience
We are patient because it allows us to rightly assess ourselves, one another, and reality; consequently, we act rightly. Patience frees us from illusions of urgency and need.

Simplicity
We do not need to do it all, own it all, or be everything. We continually discern between the good life and an unfocused existence occupied by distraction. We identify that the path to distraction will often begin subtly, even within academic, urbane, or artistic pursuits.

Humility
We live with love at the centre of our consciousness, rather than focusing on ourselves. We place each other ahead of ourselves, recognizing that humility is a continual choice. We admit that, despite our best efforts, we will make mistakes that require us to stop one action and begin a new one; this turning requires humility, consciousness, and integrity. In pursuit of humility, we always learn and give—first from and to one another and second from and to all others.

Justice
We display justice and compassion to each other, to our families and friends, to the environment, and to all we come in contact with. This means we are conscious about the way we spend our money, time, and energy. Justice means action and will require us to speak out against injustice.

Fidelity

We will stand alongside each other, stand for each other, and protect each other in every situation. Fidelity is a choice, made in everyday life, to love deeply in all times, including those that are trying, difficult, and hopeless.

Partnership
We commit to nurturing love for each other and for ourselves by fostering an emotional, spiritual, and sexual connection that is exclusive to our relationship. We support each other and serve one another, reminding each other of our values. We work to diminish our own insecurities, fear, anger, insanity, and selfishness. By creating and building a home with and within each other, our partnership is a refuge, an encouragement, an inspiration, and a summons.