Leif Baradoy

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This holiday season, Laura and I will be giving the bulk of our gifts through UEnd.org—an innovative, webbased nonprofit that is helping to eradicate poverty by providing consumers with ethical gift cards that refocus holiday spending. Check them out here.

At the request of a old friend, I was also inspired to make a couple of mixes of some of the music I’ve been enjoying lately. I used to regularly craft mix cds for friends, taking a lot of time to choose great music (new and old) and then present the tracks in an order that creates an emotional experience. This year, I’ve made a few mixes which I’m trying to share widely.

I want to highlight that, for the most part, I’ve paid for the music on these mixed cds. If I download something and like it, I buy it. I think this is particularly important given that emerging artists struggle to make ends meet. I hope that, by exposing my friends to music they might not have heard, they will also financially support the bands they like.

Here’s the track listing of two mixes I’m currently handing out. Drop me a line if you want a cd.

Gather Up

  1. Don’t Wanna Be Your Man, FemBots, The Tracey Fragments
  2. Flames Go Higher, Eagles of Death Metal, “Peace, Love, Death Metal”
  3. Clear Spirits, Les Savy Fav, Root For Ruin
  4. Horses, Broken Social Scene, The Tracey Fragments
  5. For Ash, Marnie Stern, Marnie Stern
  6. Electric Feel, MGMT, Oracular Spectacular
  7. Seeplymouth, Volcano Choir, Unmap
  8. The Sad Sun, Deer Tick, The Black Dirt Sessions
  9. Scenic World (Version), Beirut, Lon Gisland EP
  10. Step Off The Map & Float, Library Voices, Sled Island 2009
  11. Who’s Gonna Know Your Name (666), FemBots, The Tracey Fragments
  12. Mercy, Plants And Animals, Parc Avenue
  13. Wichita Lineman, Johnny Cash, Unearthed III: Redemption Songs
  14. Rachel & Cali, Damien Jurado, Saint Bartlett
  15. And Gather, Volcano Choir, Unmap
  16. We Used To Wait, Arcade Fire, The Suburbs
  17. Dog Days Are Over, Florence + The Machine, Lungs
  18. Set The Ray To Jerry, Smashing Pumpkins, 1979 [Single]
  19. Decidedly, Jim Bryson & The Weakerthans, The Falcon Lake Incident
  20. Ring Them Bells, Sufjan Stevens, I’m Not There

Gather In

  1. Turn To The Assassin, Junip, Fields
  2. Bye Bye Bye, Plants And Animals, Parc Avenue
  3. You’re Going Back, The Tallest Man On Earth, The Wild Hunt
  4. Something Hiding for Us In the Night, The Wooden Sky, If I Don’t Come Home You’ll Know I’m Gone
  5. Cello Song (feat. Jose Gonzalez), The Books, Dark Was the Night
  6. Son Of God, Clay George, Clay George
  7. Christ Jesus, Deer Tick, The Black Dirt Sessions
  8. Twice, Little Dragon, Little Dragon
  9. The Last And, John K. Samson, Provincial Road 222 – EP
  10. Goin’ to Acapulco, Calexico & Jim James, I’m Not There
  11. Cloudy Shoes, Damien Jurado, Saint Bartlett
  12. Seem To Recall, Ron Sexsmith, Whereabouts
  13. “Brackett, WI”, Bon Iver, Dark Was the Night
  14. “Island, IS”, Volcano Choir, Unmap
  15. Burden of Tomorrow, The Tallest Man On Earth, The Wild Hunt
  16. Albuquerque Lullaby, Dan Bern, New American Language
  17. My Old Ghosts, The Wooden Sky, If I Don’t Come Home You’ll Know I’m Gone
  18. CAMERAS, WOMEN, WOMEN
  19. Black Refuge, Junip, Fields
  20. Vast Empire, Clay George, Clay George
  21. Golden Slumbers, The Beatles, Abbey Road
  22. Ring them Bells, Bob Dylan, Oh Mercy

Marnie Stern- Marnie Stern

A few weeks back, I celebrated the end of the race season with friends. James (who looks like a Hell’s Angel and studies Virginia Woolf) managed to find a photo of me (which I appearantly sent to him once!) and had it placed into the icing of a cake. This was his contribution to the party. The images is from my dodgeball playing days. Look at those short shorts! It is no surprise that I was attracted to the spandex-sport of triathlon!

Busy day today in Budapest. Three workouts, including scoping out the bike course with age groupers of various, and frequently dubious, cycling skills and manners. Near death and a few swear words were followed by a chilly swim in a bay of the Danube (water temp was 16 Celsius), then a run. Bike back to the hotel. My roommate arrived today. Things are going to get cozy in our tiny room, which has two single beds pushed together to fit our bikes, bike boxes, luggage, etc.

There were more team events today so I packed my outfit/costume/uniform and prepared for photos. Canada’s uniforms (bike jersey, track pants, jacket) are a strange combo of loud and earnest. Mexico’s get-up (hot pink) is certainly louder than Canada’s yet their gear works for me because it is playful and lighthearted. I will post photos when i can. The Canada kit is a little too serious for my taste with the maple leaf pattern punctuated by a large maple leaf blazoned on the chest. I guess we are just really happy to attend to the party— the “pasta party,” that is (which was the supper offered at the opening ceremony)!

Skipped the “pasta party” (don’t usually do gluten overload) and walked back into town. Walking over the Danube in approaching-dusk—spectacular. That the highest point in Budapest sites a statue holding a massive laurel leaf raised above its head bodes well too. Beautiful in the light. Do I believe in omens? Only if they serve me, as this one indeed does.

As I walked the streets in the slow darkening, I tried to summarize the city in an image or metaphor. None came. I suspect one never will. I can’t rave lovesongs about Budapest but I feel a connection to it. Perhaps the combo of decay and progress resonates with me. I feel fortunate to be here.

Eventually, I found myself in a more familiar area of the city centre. Searching streets for a resturaunt that would offer me a big salad and little second hand smoke, I found my way into Port H. Clean lines on the sign, sans serif modern font, strange art welcoming me down stairs into a bomb shelter like area—perfect. White walls. A cartoon maze bathroom. Low music and great service. Immaculate presentation. Food so good that it demands a second visit. I overtipped when I came time to pay. Truly that good.

I started with a salad that was so good it demands description. Here is what the menu said: “Goat’s cheese fried in cashew with rocket and caramelized vegetables.”

Eat something with “rocket” in it before a race? You betcha!

Sitting in Port H I was overwhelmed with an intense feeling of dreaming these present moments some years previous. Not simply of that meal but of the entire walk back over the river, omens included. I have dreamt of this moment, particularly the strange loneliness I feel experiencing this place without Laura. I remember the buildings and the sense of being estranged due to physical, not emotional, distance. Certain I have had a premonition of this evening both upsets and calms me. I cannot explain it otherways.

Race in a few days. Who am I racing? Versions of myself? Other Canadians or nations? Time? Either way, I feel an quiet excitement in the pit of my stomach. It puts a smile on my face.


Over a year ago, after much thought, I arranged my first tattoo. In case the photos included with this post are unclear, the tattoo is located on my left forearm.

I am frequently asked what the design is and what it means. Usually, I respond to inquirers by asking what they interpret from the design, then I offer a fairly short answer. If they express further interest, then the conversation continues. Most people are happy with a short explanation.

Similar to queries about a thesis, most people don’t want to know the finer details about the various interpretive levels of this tattoo. Fair enough. That said, if you are interested in how deep the rabbit hole goes, despite your hatred for The Matrix trilogy, the read on!

First though, the quick answer I give people is that the tattoo signifies the word (world?) if. This mark reminds me of all the actualized choices and possibilities which have served to bring about the current moment, in which I choose the next “if.” This clean explanation emphasizes my ability to act (or not) as a responsible, ethical being-in-the-world.

I am quick to add that the design signifies many other concepts—likely because I am a quintessential student of the humanities.

I find many people are simply pleased to know that

  • I’ve (seemingly) thought long and hard about the tattoo
  • it has a meaning, which on-the-face-of-it does not seem too juvenile or dated

However, in this blog post, I attempt to offer a more honest parseing of the design. Forgive me, but my own thoughts on this matter have yet to complete so I can’t promise an all-encompassing and consistent explication of the square design inked onto my arm. An aphorism is all I offer.

I wanted my tattoo to have strong, hard modenist lines and to work like of Rorschach ink test for others. I didn’t want something immediately recognizable or simple. Under-determined meaning allows me to learn a little about other people through their explanations. More, a somewhat abstracted design permits the tattoo to grow with me, since I can find new meanings and interpretations to focus on as I go forward on the wave-tossed journey of life.

I designed the tattoo to be a perfect square with equal space between each block of ink. Clean, strong lines, symmetry, perfect. But the design was imprinted on my flesh. The result: only a memory symmetry. Skin contorts, contours, blemishes, and stretches the design—it breaks parallel and perpendicular angles. Plans and implementation frequently differ (defer). The tattoo reminds me of something my friend Jay calls the perfectly imperfect—imperfection not as failure but as an unavoidable element of life. The interplay between the design, medium, and canvas admits a vivacious play more compelling than the abstract perfection concieved in the design.

(“How typical,” one might counter. le petite bourgeois. Yes yes. Keep reading to further nuance your accusation.)

The location of the tattoo means that viewers may see it from a variety of different angles—deciding for themselves which way is up before imagining meaning(s). The arm is frequently in motion, so the tattoo itself invites a hermenuetic leap of faith and, insodoing, makes some people aware that they have indeed followed one of many potential interpretive trajectories. Like so many pieces of art, this tattoo raises as least as many questions as answers. Yet, I have read that the task of philosophy is not to answer questions, but to make sure the proper sort of questions are being formulated and asked.

So . . . Shall I enumerate meanings? Equal sign, crossroads, broken letters, my own name hidden within, exclaimation marks, if, the period, a Norwegian flag, if i anagram, x and y axis, the seen and unseen (or charted/uncharted), the arrow, an x, greater than sign, less than sign, moving towards a centre, moving away from an origin, even a cross (that divisive sign of chaos and suffering).

No. You would tire and disbelieve—curse dialectics. Frustrated, you might return to apt accusations or, more cynically, cease to read altogether.

So, I return to this notion of choice and responsibility—if and if i, a crossroad. Why does the summary of that ethical being-in-the-world get trotted out as an explanation? Am I fashioning myself as some sort of hero (“we don’t need another hero”)? I am likely guilty on all charges, but this tattoo has another strong overture. It confronts me with the horror that the notion choice itself is not certain. Not only do arguments ranging from pure biological or material determinism to ideas of teleology or divine foreknowledge trouble the notion of choice, but a great deal of thought has further complicated any presumptions about coming to ethical decisions. We cannot know all ends, and good intentions often inaugurate (rather than cover) a multitude of sins.

Part of the if of my tattoo is that I opt to live my life as if I do have choice, as if I am capable of authentic ethical and responsible acts. To say it more clearly, the if allows me to escape paralysis (cynicism) and go to work, knowing that the result of my action won’t be made clear until later and that right work doesn’t guarantee right outcome. Good work allows for the possibility of good outcomes. I opt to be judged then by the actions of my life, rather than my inactions.

In this way, I am authentic even as I pretend my way through life. So, while striving towards ideals that might not even exist, I balance the particularity of my choices with the potential of a universal good.

Towards the end of First as Tragedy, Then as Farce, Žižek relays the Hopi saying “We are the ones we are waiting for.” While Žižek turns this phrase into a call for Marxist revolutionary action, I internalize the wisdom otherly.

To finish on a lighter note, the tattoo has a functional purpose. Laura can attest to my too frequent failure to distinguish left from right. Many times while driving, Laura directs me to turn left and I confidently take the next right. Now, I have a tattoo on my left arm with all sorts of Ls designed into it. Left now means turning the direction of my tattoo arm. No more wrong turns! Yet, I still make them, now without excuse.

I started making the trek from Victoria to Kimberley, BC last night with Tyler Duncan. Drive to Nanimo, ferry to North Van, sleep on cat hair couch, have allergic reaction/can’t sleep. Have good idea, which I write down. Read race materials. Return to couch. Sleep? Wake. Coffee. Add food = semi-human. Get driving through the city, driving through satellite cities, driving through farm land/valleys, gas warning light. Gas stop, snack, driving through mountains. Realization that not enough coffee has been consumed: stop. Coffee. Driving through devastated forests (pine beetles and forest fires), catching glimpses of many homes once surrounded by woods now surrounded by ash trees and dead wood. Think apocalyptically. Drive east. Tell stories, mostly true. Stop. Eat sushi. Drive east. One more coffee and a doughnut to boot (sorry coach!). Drive. Turn south. Pass the place where Laura and I honeymooned. Reminisce and enjoy. Drive. Stop. Arrive. Unpack. Supper. Tally up things forgotten. Add to tomorrow’s to-do list. Get ready to race.

Life is good. Wasa Olympic Triathlon in 34 hours.
L

Here’s another video from Ross “The Boss”—my downhill skateboarding brother who lives in Switzerland. This video was shot near Golden, BC, a few weeks ago. Sadly, because of travel plan changes in his schedule (due to the volcanic ash cloud from Iceland), I didn’t manage to see him while he was in Canada.

Enjoy!
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If you know TED, then you know that this organization spreads pertinent and world-changing ideas.

I want to highlight a recent TEDxCalgary talk by Jay Baydala—the founder of UEnd.

I hope that you can find the 12:58 to watch this inspiring, real, and thought-provoking talk.

I’ve posted the video below. When you’re done, definitely check out UEnd.org.

I worked with Jay at at UEnd: for over two years, I continue to support this non-profit organization and its vision. I can confirm that 100% of the money they raise goes to projects on the ground. The organization funds its operations separately from the money they raise to end poverty. UEnd: might just be the charity you’ve been looking for.

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Jay’s talk reminded me why I moved to Victoria, why I study, and why I do triathlon: I listened to my own voice to chart my next life steps. By no means does this mean I’ve given up on changing the world for good. In fact, I feel that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be—developing skills, experience, and (hopefully) some wisdom. I am present to everything happening now, which also equips me for the future. Of course, this doesn’t mean life is easy, but I feel at peace with where I’m at, even as I am excited about my next thing.

Just trying to finish strong on a heavy semester of grad school. I’ve had to clear the docket to work through some major papers and a thesis proposal (among other things). I look forward to getting back to hard training very soon. Races are around the corner. Meanwhile, here is a video that features my downhill skating brother, Ross Baradoy, riding hills in Switzerland (where he lives). More news soon.
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In the age of autotune, digital enhancement, and photoshop, here’s a piece of more material creative genius. Enjoy.
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This video was too awesome not to post. Plus, the band is awesome too. By the by, the technical name for what is going on in this video is a Rube Goldberg machine.

The Hallway from The Hallway on Vimeo.

A 125 foot hallway – English in one direction / Japanese in the other.
By Miranda July
From the Yokohama Triennale 2008.
(originally posted here)

GoalsLast year, I posted my goals for 2008 because a trustworthy source informed me that writing down and sharing goals increases the probability that they will be accomplished.

I had the good pleasure of spending New Years Eve with some excellent people, including Ian (who posted his goals here) and Rhett; during the festivities, I took the time to write down some of my 2009 goals.

There is no time like the present, and I’m tired of wasting all that I have (aka the now). So without further adieu I take this opportunity to state some of my goals for 2009 (feel free to ask me about them):

  • 1. Publish poems in two different magazines or journals
  • 2. Pay off all debt (other than student loans)
  • 3. Get accepted to graduate schools with scholarships
  • 4. Write ten new poems and one new long poem
  • 5. Finish “High Margins” (download here (without music) or here (with music) and submit the poem to a publication
  • 6. Get physiotherapy and complete healing in my right arm
  • 7. Run +25km (see how I’m doing by checking out my running sidebar plugin)
  • 8. Read five new book before August
  • 9. Complete a manuscript of poetry
  • 10. Blog twice a month
  • 11. New theme for my blog
  • 12. Achieve a first place finish for my age group in an Olympic distance (or longer) triathlon
  • 13. Compete in 5 triathlons

I believe that I will attainable these goals with hard work and focus. Goal #2 will be the most difficult to achieve, followed by my goal for publication.

So, how did I do on my 2008 goals? Not too well. Many of them were unrealistic and weren’t made a priority over triathlon and work. Here’s my review of my 2008 goals:
Travel off the continent: Went to New York, which was pretty close to getting to another culture. Still, I can’t check this one off the list.
Write a suite of poems: Did not complete this.
Play a show with guitar and poems: Barely even picked up my guitar in 2008, which is a crime.
Pay off all debts (excluding student loans): Although I made some headway on this front, this goal was not possible for 2008. It would have required me to change jobs or win the lottery.
Reread: The Iliad, The Odyssey, The Aeneid, Lord of the Rings, Wasteland, Four Quartets: I reread T.S. Eliot’s work, but not the other texts. 33% on this goal.
Poem published in magazine or journal: I was published in a small US zine called the pulchritudinous review. I was also featured on two different radio programs (more details here and here–both include audio) . . . That should count for something!
Remain aware and thankful of all my changes and growth. Maintain health: This goal was rather nebulous, but I would say that I accomplished it.
Attend 4 concerts, 4 plays, and 10 literary events: I attended more than 4 concerts, 1 play, and 8 literary events.
Perform at poetry event: Completed multiple times over.
Attend a Buddhist religious event and Hindu religious event: I attended a Ukrainian Orthodox baby baptism and an evangelical wedding, but I did not attend any other religious events in 2008.
Read five new, good books: Yes. I surpassed this number. My highlight was One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, Blindness and Death With Interruptions by José Saramago, and Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer.
Walk on water (admit failures and inabilities—stay humble: Again, another nebulous and soft goal. I’d say I accomplished it.

Just quickly: Reap Calgary is a non-profit association of Calgary businesses that are concerned about sustainability. One of the many good things that they do is publish articles on a variety of topics, including film reviews.
Craig Copeland recently published a film review of What Would Jesus Buy?, which I found because he gave a shout-out to ChristmasFuture (thanks!). Anyway, I approached WWJB from a very different perspective from Craig and made it known by commenting on his review.

Read all about it here. Do join the conversation if you’ve seen the movie.